"What makes you a unique human being is found in your relationship with life -- and not in the degree to which you struggle to get others to perceive you as being unique." - GF
Tonight I will be giving a short talk on the above topic given to us by Guy. I have been working with this topic all week. It raises an important question, which I want to explore in this short writing: What does it mean to be exactly who you are? The false, conditioned personalities (yes plural) in each of us are so dominant that it's difficult to know moment to moment exactly whose running the show. Most of time I don't realize that this strong opinion or feeling that is thinking or speaking through me is not actually "me."
Unfortunately finding this true "essence of me" doesn't happen by mere intention or affirmation. It comes about by continual self-observation and a dogged commitment to be actively working inwardly as often as I can remember myself. It's always a process of negation to see again and again who we are not so that we can begin to discover and enjoy exactly who we are.
We have a great event here at the Foundation in Southern Oregon called Talks in the Pines every year in June. People come from around the world to hear Guy and be involved in a genuine life-changing event. By the way I encourage anyone reading this to come next month. I have been in charge of the music and entertainment for many years. I heard this thought go through my head on Monday, "I dread Talks in the Pines. It takes up too much of my time." This begs the question, who is the "I" that dreads the event and whose time is being taken. I rarely ask this question but this is exactly what needs to happen and it needs to start at the point of entrance of the strong impression. There has to be a watcher (or put another way, a bouncer) that rightly observes these impressions otherwise we will react in the same mechanical ways to each life event. Fortunately in the case of this event the watcher has met this negative complaining "I" before and asked him to leave.
"Instead of always crying out "why me?" learn to ask who is the "me" that always feels this way?" - GF
Using Guy's above example I asked the following questions:
- Who is the me that is talking on the phone right now with this attitude?
- Who is the me that has to click on this internet story right now?
- Who is the me that is judging this person right now for their inconsideration?
- Who is the me that wants the approval of this person right now?
- Who is the me that has to follow this desire right now?
- Who is the me that insists on being angry right now?
- Who is the me that's nervous and in a hurry right now?
- Who is the me that has to have the last word right now?
- Who is the me that's afraid to be a natural honest human being in this moment?
- Who is the me that can't sit still right now?
As always this work offers great encouragement to anyone who is willing to experiment with these ideas in their own life (try writing your own "who is the me" list.) It's imperative for each of us to remember that this work is done alone. Reading about doing the work is not doing the work. Hearing about doing the work is not doing the work. Writing about doing the work is not doing the work. Even here at the Foundation being in this group doesn't mean an individual is doing the necessary inner work. The necessary work requires active involvement with every part of ones own life. Once we become passive and let the mechanical nature have its way we fall under the laws of its world. To sincerely do this work is to literally start over 100 times a day. But in order to start over we have to catch the imposter "me" and his stories and show him the door 100 times a day.
My wish is to be more active inwardly with every new impression.
Doug Norby/ Alive Guide Host 5/15/09