One of the strongest spiritual fantasies that Doug holds is that one day he will never be disturbed. One day he will be able to deflect the bothers of this world and maintain the stillness and composure of his hard sought "spiritual countenance." When things aren't going the way Doug wants, he loves to imagine the Hawaiian beach or the remote mountain retreat where nothing can bother him again. Here's what reality is actually trying to show me. Guy has recently said that we are meant to be constantly disturbed. He goes on to say that disturbance and awareness must go together. If we are not feeling a continual inner disturbance, we will go back to sleep in the mechanical life. The disturbance is actually our ally to keep us awake to God's voice. What a radical concept for our disturbance deflecting society.
So our task when the disturbance arrives is to work harder to come awake and attend to what the moment is trying to reveal. An example for me would be my frequent frustration with a business associate. I am quick to blame him for the disturbance but rarely do I ask to see what is it in me that I need to see. The disturbance is actually neutral. It's our identification and resistance to it that torments us. The moment is actually shining a light on something that is hidden and thus holding us back from needed discoveries. (You would think we would want to know this but we fight it tooth and nail.) Truth is saying: look at this, its clear that you are not free in this area of your life. Wake up and stop carrying the same old sad story that you carry everyday. No matter how persuasive the state, I must refuse to carry it past the moment of recognition. For me, this is the most difficult part of my spiritual work, letting go of the disturbance. Once I give the negative reaction the nod that it's OK to begin to write the story, it then builds its case with the help of my staff of Pulitzer Prize winning writers, which immediately separates me from God's life.
At the end of class last night, Guy shared a powerful exercise, a prayer. "God, please show me what I need to see about myself in order to be an authentic human being, despite the cost." This prayer must be said in true sincerity. It struck me after Guy said it, in the way in which he said it, that unless I can constantly be uttering this prayer, with a right heart, I have no real chance to change. The mechanical life is so strong that I need to have a constant prayer before me to help. Then every disturbance can offer a gateway to higher world instead of an excuse to torment myself and others.
So what will it take to remember that prayer and stop carrying my self-justifying story? Drop the reasons and stories and keep the wish to become a true human being in front of me at all times. Never forget your true purpose of why you are sitting here occupying space. There are always plenty of disturbances to help me if I will only use them properly. It's like the old Aqua Velva after-shave commercial when the guy slaps himself on the face and says, "thanks I needed that." I have to begin to be thankful for every slap on the face instead of resisting them. Little by little if one stays close to an authentic spiritual teaching and practices the work daily, we have a chance to taste the life we are intended to live every day. My wish is to drink something of God's life today.
"With every breath I plant the seeds of devotion- I am a farmer of the heart
Day and night I see the face of union- I am the mirror of God
Every moment I shape my destiny with a chisel -I am the carpenter of my own soul" - Rumi
Doug Norby/ Alive Guide Host/ 5/30/09