Our annual event, "Talks in the Pines," ended a few days ago. It consisted of 5 days of illuminating and encouraging talks by Guy, interactions with visiting students, and all the preparation and follow-through that goes with this kind of event. I have had the privilege of being involved in every one of the ten previous TIPS and this was by far the most powerful.
The talks were centered this year on using life's disturbances instead of being used by them. Every year - no fail - there are major disturbances in my life both before and after the event. The week before I wrote in my blog about "Negativity Stew." The week after the event proved to be a confluence of major disturbing forces. The elements in my life that have the potential of "rocking my boat" sent me through the "Perfect Storm" this week. I was mad or upset with just about everybody and everything in my life.
It begs the question, what's the value of the talks if they can't help you through the storms? I certainly have heard enough talks on the subject of disturbance to help me navigate the rough waters when I encounter them. Why can't I be like George Clooney standing tall, fearless and taking his trawler ship straight up the wall of a 60-foot wave. Why because I rarely utilize the moment when the disturbance arrives to practice what I have been shown in the talks. No teacher or organization can do it for me. The talks are seeds of right ideas (truth) that are intended to be planted in our hearts, watered by disturbance then reach for the light to grow into maturity. I have to go into the disturbance alone. The talks and the teacher are only there to show us what is possible when we're willing to lay down this strong tendency to be right. If we weren't tested individually we could never possess the life our heart is longing for. But I have yet to welcome the disturbance.
When we learned to ride a bike we had to be willing to fall and handle a few bruises. It was worth it to us because it offered a new freedom that we didn't currently possess. If we fell down we got back up because we wanted to have our own life (free from our parents) and learning to ride was the ticket. Once we practiced over and over we eventually learned the balance and attention needed to command that bike. Then it became a useful vehicle to take us places we hadn't seen before. But in order to be safe we still had to be alert and watchful of the traffic, potholes and other potential dangers that could knock us off our bike. The same is true of inner life
If I am out of balance interiorly it should be evident by "my" anger, worry or stress. But something has convinced me that it's necessary and natural to be upset, and that resistance is my proper default position. My wish now is to investigate this out-of- balance nature when it is out of balance. That's what my last three weeks lessons have been trying to show me. Life is handing me exactly what I need to see about myself to be free of this false nature but my first response is still protection and resistance. So I will work to be still. I watched the wind gently pass through the trees just now outside my window. The trees simply moved with the wind, no resistance no need to protect itself.
One last thing, that I have found absolutely true, is to always stay close to the source of help that keeps you aligned with God's life when all the inner voices are telling you to do otherwise. Our old habits are ingrained and die hard and they will try everything to keep you away from the truth and keep their painful ways in place. What's amazing is that we are offered freedom in exchange for our pain. It sounds like a pretty fair deal to me.
"Always now -just now - come into being
Always now -just now - give your self to death" - Zen saying
Doug Norby/Alive Guide Host/6/27/09